Look Mom ! I Got An Extra “A”

Hello everyone and I am really sorry (to anyone who still reads my blog) for posting this late. This was supposed to be in April but I got busy with some stuff and as you can see I missed.

As children we all wanted that our report cards showed nothing but “A” grades and nothing less and if possible an “A+”. Many will agree that they want to be in the top notch and its just not studies that I am talking about. All of us would have and still would do anything to say that sentence to our parents and watch them swell with pride, not to mention a boost that it would be to their egos as well as ours. I feel that this urge for and extra “A” has gone beyond grades and seeped into our vocabulary as well.

As an Indian I feel truly hurt when we ourselves malign our heritage. I don’t know the exact cause of this but it seems that we still want the admiration from the west or should I say we are wannabe (as far as the languages are concerned). Before you read any further I suggest that you pick up that old Hindi dictionary that might be infested with termites or if that is already received its final rituals go and buy a new one (alternatively you can get and online Hindi dictionary too...thank god for making people who made Google).

You would certainly not defer that “Yoga”, “Rama”, “Krishna”, “Karma” and many other words like these belong to Hindi’s treasury. Now can you tell me what are those extra “A”s doing in those words? Its:

Yog : conjuncture which truly describes the union of mental and physical self

Ram : Before diving deeper...I should ask, Do people say “Ram Naam Satya Hai ” ? or “Rama Naam(a) Satya Hai ” ? and some people say (Satyaa...remember that Ram Gopal Verma movie and more recently that Pepsodent Ad ?) Well Lord Ram’s was an Avataar of Lord Vishnu and His name has been derived from Lord Vishnu and Agni.

Krishn : dark/dusky coloured

Karm : action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.

So people nowadays don’t do Yog they do Yoga. It seems doing Yog is not only harmful but so “middle class” and they would be looked down upon in the society if they did that. Its actually a status symbol of you do Yoga. The Gods or at least the learned men who wrote the sacred scriptures must be wishing that shouldn’t have written those texts and epics which was supposed to guide and enlighten the generations to come had they known it was to fall into the hands of descendants who can’t even pronounce the name of their Gods correctly. What is even more shameful that we take pride in using the same words even though its the west which has moulded them to suit their tounges. Anything that is from India is supposed to be shipped with an extra “A”.

The point of writing this short article is that my dear friends if we don’t stand up to the world and tell them what is correct who will and if this continues it wouldn’t be very wrong to say that we are already on the path of losing our identity. I ask you what is stopping us from doing so? Heck ! we are the ones who gave the world Yog which has made the likes of Madonna, Ricky Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow, Meg Ryan and the list is endless.

So next time before you do Yog or go and pray to Lord Krishn do Analyze Thisa !... Oh ! Sorry I mean...Analyze This !

The Chief Warden - P.S. I Love You

Hostel…ahh!! The word itself makes me nostalgic and I can't help but savour the memories of yesteryears. All of us who, at some point in life, have been christened a hosteller will agree that those were indeed the best days of our lives. From the fun ragging sessions or PDP (personality development programme), as they are called at the MBA institutes, to those night-outs for studying and more so for the “real studies” that make a man, from getting one up with the seniors to crying our hearts out when they were leaving, from stealing the day scholars tiffins to following the ritual of beating them to crap on the last days in college, from flirting with girls to showing off our mettle during inter college competitions. There are many more memories that fill us all in very unique way and I simply can’t put them in words. And so I won’t write about it altogether. Then what am I gonna write about? Read On you will realize the unconditional love of our wardens for us...

Now apart from these star studded memories the hostellers will also agree the nightmares and the atrocities that we faced. When I begin to recall of such harrowing past the thing that immediately comes to mind was the food and I am sure people reading this would agree unanimously. Well my dear friends, we were wrong…. The food at our hostel mess was infact quite scientifically designed, designed to help us appreciate the little values of life and subtly make us good citizens. Let me continue and perhaps I might be able to convince you as well. I'll enumerate each dish and support my belief along with it.

Rotis/Chapatis : We all are very conscious about our health and most of us have joined gyms where we exercise religiously. We work on our biceps, triceps, chest, calf muscles, abs and what not but tell me have you ever worked on your jaws? NO! So here comes these rotis…they are rubbery and as hard as you may try, you cannot chew them…its like eating chewing gum but with no flavour at all (and for free of course) and in turn you get a healthy workout for your jaws.

Daal / Raita : Hold on I know you will say “What daal? All we got was daal that was more of water!”As you know that 70% of our body is water and we as students have to spend long grueling hours in classes/labs/malls/marketplace. To supplement that loss and save us from dehydration we were given that. Also one might recall that daal ka pani is given when someone is ill because its easy to digest and quite nutritious.

Sabzi : I was never able to recognise the vegetables (and if you were able to then trust me you have a very bright future as a sleuth) that went into making a particular sabzi. Now when I ponder upon I realize that it taught me harmony that we must live as one and other people should never be able to differentiate howsoever hard they tried. A virtue that is so needed in today’s world to do away with the social discord and castesism. If only all of us had learnt from the humble sabzi at our hostels.

Custard/Sweetdish : Now this one will be appreciated by MBA people. How to effectively sell off your waste (and people actually queuing to take it!!). All of the week’s fruits and milk that went unconsumed was effectively churned out as a sweetdish mostly custard and many students actually liked it. So the old saying “somebody’s waste is another man’s treasure” is effectively proved here.

Bathrooms: I’m not sure about the girls, but we boys have learned a lot in here. In the times of global warming and ecological imbalance our hostel management staff realized that the youth is the future and they must be taught the importance of water conservation and when you cursed the officials for no water they were actually teaching you to conserve it. People in India have no water to drink and should we bathe away carelessly?? And not to mention that the loose latches in the bathrooms have aspired many a students to bring out the hidden filmmaker and photographer in them. The documentaries and the “glamour photography” done in these areas are truly mesmerising and indeed those who did it have a bright future in the lines of playboy, penthouse and all the C grade movies. And I say not being biased but because I have seen and starred in those works.

Toilets: Now what can be good about them? Well there is…Firstly it taught us discipline, the value of time for the toilet was not to be taken lightly...it made its worth felt. Nobody..absolutely nobody could just barge in whenever he liked, there were fixed timings…the time when there would be water supply. Secondly, it taught us control…as excruciating it might have been waiting in those long lines in those “tense” moments no one had a choice but to control the demon within or give away your self respect in front of all those people…the choice was ours. Lastly many of us found that the dying artist in us had suddenly sprung back to life. From graffiti to personal messages and even many a nicknames found their birthplace here and not to forget some of the most enlightening thoughts have sprouted while we were “downloading”.

So you see people hostel life was a positive learning experience. Say what you may we all want to get back there whenever we can? As for people who never went to one…SCRAM!! Enroll yourself in one and then …Analyze This!

Dude ! Where is my Country ?

Its Oscars tonight and almost all the media just seems to be so high on testosterone that it only seems to be the news of national importance. I can't help but think why we as a country are so obsessed with the approval from the West? Why is there so much brouhaha when a movie gets nominated for an Oscar? It seems that we are no good if we don’t win one. The Hindi Film Industry is constantly being dubbed as Bollywood, if Aishwarya Rai walks down the red carpet at Cannes its even a bigger news than the other issues which need urgent attention of the nation. Saif and Kareena become Safina following the lines of Brangelina. Its not just the entertainment industry that is effected. Pune is “Detroit” of India, Mumbai is “Manhattan” of India and Allahabad is the “Oxford” of the East, Surat the “Manchester” of India. Why aren’t they just Pune, Mumbai and Allahabad of India? It didn’t take even a day for the media to call the Mumbai terror attacks as “India’s 9/11” and even to this day it is still India’s 26/11. The Satyam scandal is being reported as “India’s Enron” . It seems even our losses are not our own, we are borrowing it from the West . In matters of national security and integrity our leaders seek approval from the West before executing the plans and policies. Its our nation and we don’t need another nation’s approval to guide our policies. We ourselves are playing into the hands of the West.

The world is heading towards globalization and there is no escaping that and we as a nation cannot expect to hold our unique place if we keep undermining ourselves like this. What do we lack? Talent, resources, wealth or heritage? The answer is none of the mentioned. We don’t need to cater the tastes of other nations at the cost of our self respect. Every nation is identified from the uniqueness it has and all my fellow Indians I really don’t need to elaborate on this (just go n read your history books man.. and right from mathematics, medicine, science , philosophy, literature, architecture…you name it and you will find India right in the middle of things). By the time this gets published India might have won an Oscar but the only thing that is goin on in my mind is “We can always win an Oscar, but can they win a Filmafare?”…Analyze This !

Gifts and Bargains

Hello once again. So now that the festive season is over I am back again to analyze some things. I asked a group of 185 people to write down 5 things in order of preference and in order of their preference. The results were varied. Some people said they liked the feeling of goodness in the air, others said that they got a chance to meet their relatives, vacationing etc, etc. But what really caught my eye was that among this survey was something common. An overwhelming 92.67 % had said that they loved to shop or because they see it as a great opportunity to spend. People go off spending like crazy during festive season. Things which they want, things which they don’t want and things which they would never want. The companies lure in customers with all kinds of discounts and to my surprise people buy them too. Companies like Koutons and Cotton County are forever on sale with slogans like “50% + 51 %, Buy 1 get 4 free!”. I think either they are doing social work for all the underprivileged people of India or they are just making fools of us. Let me tell you what they are really doing…they are the ones who are really celebrating. Raise the price 5 times n then offer a 50% discount and people too are very glad having bought those. Items are bought…some kept and some gifted are usually just stacked up so that they can be gifted the next season altogether. Even in these times of recession people don’t hesitate in spending through the nose. We go to malls buy because we have to buy a pair of branded jeans or accessories and shell out a couple of thousand bucks but if some one needy asks for a couple hundred of bucks we shrug away. How many of us have genuinely contribute to some social cause? We buy a pair of shades or watch and don’t give a single thought about the price, infact the pricier the more desirable it becomes and we don’t even think about bargaining. But for a rickshawallah who earns his bread and butter toiling all day or a vegetable vendor it’s a different story. We bargain and bargain even if we are able to bargain a rupee or two we have a sense of victory in our hearts. For me and you a rupee won’t make much of a difference but for them its every bit of their hard work. We don’t do it at the stores. So spend your money thoughtfully…spend it on things which you really need rather than piling them up and if possible help the needy (or better still bargain at the stores too!).
So before you go out to buy that new pair of Levis jeans…Analyze This !

Sad Songs

Ever had a heartbreak??Well then if you have you must be well aware of what we do when we have one...we listen to sad sentimental songs(Well if you think this is borrowed from "Pyar Ke Side Effects"..it was not,because that is the truth...we do listen to sad songs and no im not gettin paid by the producers for writing this) and we cry,cry and cry till tears beg us to stop.Now lets talk about people who write these sad songs...the very likes of Jagjit Singh,Adnan Sami,Himesh Reshammiya,Justin Timberlake,Ronan Keating,Westlife,Bryan Adams and how can i forget Mr. Enrique Iglesias!!Well to start with...look at there clothes..Mr Jagjit sing in those elegant ckihan kurta and shawls that would make even the Nawabs of Lucknow jealous,Himesh reshammiya is in a dons a new cap(atleast) in every new sad song of his,Adnan uses a"lot" of new clothes(literally!!),Justin sports a new haido and all others sport a cool gear...can anyone please tell me who has the time and intrest to dress up so elaborately when we just had a heartbreak??look at their faces...does it seem that they have even a single tear over the cause for which they have written the song...a cause that can be of no greater importance if mortals like you and me had been involved.
They get all the most beautiful and hottest of girls.While Indian counterparts only enjoy starring in the videos with these beautiful girls and go only as far to holding hands or a lil bit of sensuous act the singers abroad like Justin and Enrique have been there,done that and smooched girls which include Scarlett Jhohansson,Anna Kurnikova,Jeniffer Love Hewitt...and a host of voluptuous and buxom babes and we are just left staring at our sweetheart's photo and only cry more.
They rake in the moolah by writing and singing these songs...Its the sure fire way to make the album go platinum and multi platinum because people like you and me buy it and while we are left crying they are running to the banks with their hands loaded with few million dollars of money.So in reality the people who sing these sad and sentimental songs are no way sad!Infact they are happy.So the next time you have a heartbeark..dont cry.Just go and write a sad love song and you will be happy for the rest of your life.All those people who are still crying...Analyze This !